Depression Poems
“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow -
Built Walls
I promised you I'd never hide my feelings, I promised you I'd never build walls between us, but baby you make it so hard for me, cause when you hide it makes it hard for me not to try... To build those walls walls between us.
It's in my nature to run baby, it's in my nature to hide, this isn't want I between us, this devil fueling me inside. Take this pain eating me inside, take this torture within.. build up my walls to contain and protect what's within.
I was willing to give you my all, open my soul, tear down all those walls I worked so hard to build. This time I thought I did it right, this time I didn't get it wrong, foolish me doesn't know enough,
chasing my poison, chasing after it like a drug
Do ask of me what you can't give because I can't give it back when asked, I just can't open up, no I won't up, I am not tough enough, Sorry I'm not tough enough.
Do ask of me what you can't give because I can't give it back when asked, I just can't open up, no I won't up, I am not tough enough, Sorry I'm not tough enough.
add another secure brick in everything I've learnt to be,
should have learned from my past lessons, why I never let anyone close to me. Never wanted pain, never wanted self hate, never wanted to let anyone in, didn't want to face my fate.
I'll add another secure brick in everything I've learn to be,
I should have learned from my past lessons, why I never let anyone close to me.
Never wanted pain, never wanted self hate, never wanted to let anyone in, didn't want to face my own fate.
I can't give you anymore, I cannot give up me, wither n wallow in my self sorrow, thoughts of a quiet dream, where inside I no longer scream, the silence no eternity for me, this silence is my final dream
A Broken Shell
I'm a little boy in a shell of a man,
Pain and anger consumes all that I am.
Agony inside buried so deep,
Promises to myself I cannot keep.
Hating myself for how I feel,
Deep down inside I don't know how to deal,
With these cold feelings laying at my feet,
To myself these feelings I shall keep.
I never felt like this for someone,
No never which fees like it's been so long.
There is no such thing as real love,
All delusions of things that are gone.
The perception of rejecting I feel,
Makes the scars building inside hard to heal.
I gave you a part of me that was raw,
A love I never shown, a pain I never saw,
Coming at me like a freight train,
Ushered in with a rolling thunder, a cold winds rain.
I thought we would have a love so strong,
Something together, how we belonged,
Together we should have been,
But you forced my hand to make this all end.
I'm dying on the inside, daemons within.
I need to accept my fate, I was never meant to win.
Always losing, destine to fail,
Better to realize it now, better than late.
Rejection
Laying in bed horny as hell,
My wife is beside me.
I roll over and place my arm across hers.
The fucking bitch pushes it off and moves closer to the edge of the bed.
Wallow
As he sits there no one listens,
Festering in his own lonely prison,
No help, lost in total self isolation,
He can no longer see the end
No where to go, no where to run.
He doesn't hold back his tears,
He's just so cold inside,
His well is completely dry
He wishes they would flow,
Down his face, releasing this hold.
Not Strong Enough
I'm not near as strong enough as I though I was,
I'm a lot weaker so fragile inside,
Been one long moment from the end.
No I cannot stand my daemons, the daemons in my head,
I can't let you know, no I can't let anyone in.
Just know that inside of me is dead.
Ready for the other side, I am ready for my end,
I'm done with all this pain, done with feelings of dread.
Tired of fighting with the voice, voice living in my head.
Better, better of dead is what they said,
Convincing me of my lies, lies I can no longer hide,
I know I am ready, it's time for us to die.
Why Me?
Why, why do you have to hurt me?
Why, why do you have to be this way?
Oh why, why do you make me scream inside?
Oh why, why can't you let this be?
I just, I just want to, want to scream inside!
All this pain and anger, out of me!
I just want to scream, so much pain inside of me!
I just want to scream so let me be!
Why, why can't I change these flaws inside of me?
Why, why do I chase the path of misery?
Oh tell me why, do I keep on these beaten feet?
Can you tell me if I'm really in to deep?
I just, I just want to, want to scream inside!
All this pain and anger, out of me!
I just want to scream, so much pain inside of me!
I just want to scream so let me be!
What did I do, to earn this fate?
Why, why do I always refill my plate?
Why, oh why deal with this pain I hate?
Why, why, why fight with the voices in my head?
I just, I just want to, want to scream inside!
All this pain and anger, out of me!
I just want to scream, so much pain inside of me!
I just want to scream so let me be!
Plea
I know how you're feeling,
Honey I've been there before.
But don't ask me to give you what you're asking for,
When you can't give it back cause baby it fucks with my head.
You really don't know how bad I wanted us,
Wanted us to be.
I can promise you no one will love you like I loved you,
No one's going to be real, like I had treated you.
Twisted
IF this is love than I want nothing to fucking do with it,
Heart sick mother fucking bullshit.
Twisted Feelings inside and eats, fucking eating us inside! Whoever said "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" never knew love, he knew Jack shit all!
Flaws
Why change my ways? Character flaws? Are you just another sheep following the social, cultural aspects of life? “Flaws”?
Nah, I say what you call my “flaws” are no flaws at all.
What we need are more people willing to speak their voice,
Too say what others are scared to say due to “political correctness”.
We need more to be vocal, too not bow down to social pressures,
Too stand and fight, regardless of what becomes of their name.
No, what we need are more people to stand up and demand we do not stay silent, for we are not mutes, we have a tongue, one that needs to be used. Exercise that muscle as you would the rest of your body!
I am to “blunt”? What is wrong with being blunt? Subtle ways often fly pass those who are not aware they are being addressed. Blunt and to the point let’s one know where the sit. They get the point. If they are fragile, that is not my problem, the world is a cold harsh place, welcome to the reality called the “Jungle” of life. Cry to those who care, for one rarely finds sympathy and empathy here.
I am rude because I am direct? I rather let someone know what is on my mind then hold in my opinion’s, or speak behind their back, I am not two faced, one can be assured of that.
If more people were direct, blunt, and spoke their mind, we would have a lot less confusion, a lot less grief there would be
Weathered Worn
Tattered clothing, like the remnants of his shattered dreams,
His beard gray, unkempt like the colors of his eyes.
His hands held out pleading as the pain of hunger borrows deep in his stomach,
The sign beside him reads “Sweet Jesus saves: Please help”, a hat beside him lays empty.
As people walk by him, he is nothing more than a permanent fixture,
Slouched, weary, the only thing he can read off their faces is disgust.
Something that is there, but does not exist, he does not feel as he is of any worth,
Society has labeled him a degenerate, a shame, a disgrace.
Drug addict, alcoholic, he is there by his own choice they say.
Successful, wealthy, a self-made man, a good life he has made for himself, they said.
Laughter of children carrying through the air, such a happy life.
The sound of a woman screaming, breaks squealing, all goes black.
Loss, misery, a broken life and an open bottle of whiskey to fix it,
The void emotions of what was once his wife, a broken woman.
Silence where there was once laughter, sorrow where there was once joy,
A marriage broken by the loss of their loved child.
Sitting on the street corner, ragged and broken, less than an empty shell,
Memories too painful to recall, memories he cannot disregard.
Tears stream down his befoul cheeks, he takes the back of his right hand and wipes them away,
His left reaches between his legs for the wrinkle bag, the smell of whiskey strong on his breath.
Inside of Me
Is there such thing as happiness
or is it all a game...
mental break down lived everyday,
is there any hope or happiness?
Is it a waste of time to dream away,
something is down inside of me,
left in side of me, nothing left--
in side of me and I break down again.
I sit in self pity,
it's the only thing left inside of me
left inside of me, dream away,
whatever is left inside of me.
Waking hours,
sleep is away from me,
has left nothing inside of me again,
pain and torment,
shadows dwell inside of me,
they always walk inside of me
and now I loath what ever is left of me,
not much left of me today.
The shadows walk and shadows walk with me,
they talk to me,
remind me of what was done to me,
what I've done to me,
so much of what I will always be,
change what is part of me,
inside of me,
there is nothing to change in me,
no hope nor will I let there be,
leave that emptiness setting in
fester up inside of me.
Now I see the grave,
I will walk its way,
taking a part of me
what I always wanted to be,
peace will not rest inside of me,
mental scope of reality has abandoned me,
let it be,
nothing left to see
there's nothing left for me to see.
Closed Doors
You said you wanted it all,
you said you wanted so much more,
You said you didn't want the games,
so what the hell are we fighting for?
And as the hours keep passing by, my mind wonders if we're worth fighting for?
It wonders if there ever was,
or if there could have been more?
All I know is the door is closed,
yeah another closed door.
We had our good times,
yeah and we had our bad,
I never meant to make you cry,
and I never meant to make you sad,
But here we are for what seems like a hundred times before.
I can see it coming my way,
I can see that door like a million times before,
And I can see it coming my way,
just another closed door.
No one's gonna treat you the way like I'd have,
No one's going to love you like I did,
honey you just closed that door,
You just closed the door on a love no more
Down on My Knees
I wish I could go but so many reasons to stay,
I wish I could turn to the sunshine, away from this rain,
That's pulling me in, oh so low, fallen to the ground.
The light so far away, has never shined down on me.
Never anyone to talk to, no where to turn,
I'm ugly on the inside, outside no one can see,
How fragile my vulnerability, no one not even me.
Broken, cracked and bleeding,
I'm not the me I wanted to be.
I'll give what I need, my need is not for me,
My dreams under custody, throw away my key.
I'll continue to bleed, bleed deep down inside,
My pains are only for me.
I won't let them see me break,
I won't let them see me broken,
No I won't let them see me down on my knees.
A very broken person who resides inside of me.
Strong, confident, arrogant who I pretend to be,
Protects the shattered wall that once sheltered me.
Trembling hands, a broken mind it's who I am but cannot be,
Dejected and Done.
Reflecting one last time as he leans over a drop, his feet barely keeping hold on a broken tree,
nose around his neck.
Oh how quick it all went downhill.
His wife left him that morning. Told him she loved another man.
When he arrived at work he was called into the office and brutally fired.
When he went to the bar to drink his woes and sorrows away his debit and credit cards were declined.
He checked his account at the ATM, just to learn his wife cleaned him out when she left.
He steps of the broken tree, the world dropping out before him.
Never, Ever Again
To feel so much pain and the bleeding of your heart,
it hurts so much and lets loneliness in,
yet too often it comes back
each time it hurts none less
nor more but the constant beating
as if a beat of a drum ever so precise.
Whatever comes out of this hurt and loneliness?
Will wisdom ever be gained
or will it creep up once again?
Which road will we follow?
Will it be the road which leads to happiness
or will it be the road that once again leads
to the pain and hurt so often travel?
Which road will be taken next is the question
so often asked yet so often answered.
It seems that there is actually no answer
to this long asked question...
Maybe a rhetorical response is all that is needed.
Our greatest journey has been happiness
yet we seem to take the path the leads farthest away
into an unknown bleakness of mass emotions
of human experiences.
Where is love?
What will we find?
Will it be happiness
and where will it go?
Black Within
It's ok, yeah
I know my place
I'll just hide
What's inside of me.
Pieces of me I'll deny
Strong for you, I'll try and be
These emotions inside, I will keep.
The reasons I keep them inside,
No I will not speak.
Tried to give all I had inside,
Just for it to be denied.
Pushing me away kills me inside,
The will in me is being denied.
My mind is eating at me every day,
Crumbling pieces, falling away.
Build these walls back up inside,
Ugly within, black feelings don't lie.
The will within me is being denied,
These walls inside, will come down with time
Try to give all I have inside,
I'll pay my debt to myself in time.
Once again my friend we do this all again,
This time a different emptiness within.
In the end will we pass the test of time?
My mind is eating at me every day,
Crumbling pieces, falling away.
Build these walls back up inside,
Ugly within, black feelings don't lie.
Despondent
Despondent eyes hiding her muted silence,
Her colorful beauty hidden inside,
Reaching out she cries,
Ignored, assumed a guise,
Sad beauty left alone,
From deep inside she lets out a groan,
The colors of her soul bleeding
On a canvas made from ugly world
Alone and forsaken to her own
The ghost
Hidden within his own personal hell,
withered and hallow,
a broken shell.
Nowhere to call his own,
all alone.
Really Fallen?
Have you really truly fallen
or placed to fulfill a calling?
To shed light upon the masses
as the ageless time passes?
An unjust reputation falsely given
because you were dispelled from heaven
for tempting with forbidden fruit,
yet your motives they often dispute.
Did you come to free us from bondage
by candidly offering us knowledge,
or did you expect us to bend knee
at your mercy to fondly worship thee?
His guidance is to do no harm,
for humanity to finally disarm
and love one another as our own kin,
we were all made from the same skin.
With your mighty power to allure
your teachings beautiful and pure.
Praise the name Lucifer Morningstar
He who wishes us to no longer suffer.
Give Me a Reason
Give me a reason not to
walk out of this door,
give me a reason to
say some more words
that will keep us together
instead of tearing us apart.
It took until finding you
for me to understand this
thing that they call love,
but why can't you show me
the same feelings I know
you are more than capable of?
I don't really want to
give up on the both of us.
You always knew I would do
anything you asked of me
anything you wanted me to do.
Show me a reason why we should
stay together, keep it this way
give me another reason to get
down on my knees and crawl after you,
tell me, tell me what do I have to do?
I'm Ok
how can you tell that i am not well, I'm losing a part that is in me, just wait and see, Paranoia is what i do well come and see I'm not me and you can tell, Every day is another day with me and you can see I'm not me, just let me be.
everyone says something is wrong has it been that long, i cant tell of well what ever is up is down and around but i haven't failed. Crazy is the to be, just another excuse for me just let me be and we will see.
Every day i think of you, and how do you do , you see to be True. When i wake up i see the same old day every day, i want to play every day all day, no worries I'm OK.
Masks to Face
Trying to find myself
digging through my past,
looking at many faces
pondering which one to wear.
For I have lost myself
many a year back,
unsure of who I really am
deep soul searching from within.
Several roles I have played
as an actor upon the stage,
only showing what the script required,
my characters consumed in fire.
Once a journey to find who I am,
as a teen many a style only a fad,
discovering what I was not,
unable to discover who I was.
Now many a moon has passed,
I find myself searching my past,
wondering if I can uncover
if I fit any of those masks?
Inner Struggles
His many personalities trapped
within his own tormented mind
his own stability in his hands
he holds the key to set him free.
Shades of blacks and grays
in his world he floats away
into a safer place to be
away from the worlds insanity
struggles to get by in society.
Conflicted within his own
He attempts to climb out
of this hell completely alone
A sincere desire to break free
to escape strife and misery.
Even in sleep there's no escape
agonizing dreams always pestering
my abilities not to suddenly awake
covered in molesting cold sweats
My life is a plague harrowing me.
Why oh Why
Why, oh why do I think this way?
Why, oh why do I keep feeling this way?
Why, oh why can't I move on?
Why oh why, why oh why, why oh why?
Why, oh why can't I let this be?
Why, oh why do I torment myself?
Why, oh why can't you see me?
Why oh why, why oh why, why oh why?
Why, oh why must my soul die?
Why, oh why must I drown in misery?
Why, oh why must I live this for eternity?
Why oh why, why oh why, why oh why?
Dysthymia
Deep down inside I can feel
something does seem quite right,
the irritability inside of me,
drowning in my incapability,
the path before me so clouded,
lost within this hopelessness,
slowly watch the days go by
yet I cannot forget how to cry.
Sleeping doesn't come so easily,
rumblings sounds in my belly,
as guilt and worries shackled
to these revolving series,
clinical psychology,
hooked up to machines,
as a clinical case study.
Avoidance of social activities
so tired, lacking of energy,
ineffectiveness, no productivity,
tell me what's become of me,
lost my interest in society,
lost any remaining self-esteem,
despondency, melancholy, my reality,
redundancy of my animosity.
Interpretations
Floating in a void -- emotionless,
black ink turned to gray -- fading,
insides full of ugly -- unwanted,
burning skin blistering -- so stained,
fragile inner state suspect -- broken.
Further
Slipping,
sinking,
further --
deep within,
self reflections,
struggling,
already six feet in.
Where to --
Begin?
Reasons --
failed plans.
Tragic --
Comes the end.
Where to?
No end...
Was sent --
All my lies,
all my delusions!
Lost --
No freedoms,
trapped,
within confusion --
my own illusions --
so alone...
Stay
I'll stay away from you
I won't take your abuse,
I won't share my pain
I won't be the one to blame,
won't live my life this way.
I won't share my pain
yeah won't feel ashamed
I'll take all the blame
Yeah you know who's right,
yeah you know I'm right.
I'll get over you
I'll endure your abuse,
I'll carry all the pain,
I won't share in your pain,
I won't share my pain.
I won't share my pain
yeah won't feel ashamed
I'll take all the blame
Yeah you know who's right,
yeah you know I'm right.
Suffer in your own way,
we don't have to hide
should have ended anyway,
I'll deal with all the pain
the pain won't go away,
pain that always stays.
It always stays
pain, pain pain,
it always stays,
stained, stained, stains,
it always stays.
Rotting Bowl of Fruit
Sitting upon the table within a bowl
An arrangement of assorted fruits,
Often glanced upon yet often untouched,
Day by day slowly spoiling away, neglected,
The appearance of a first bruise forms
Yet nothing to alarm for it is still ok,
Only a blemish, saveable for another day.
Appeasing to the eye as one passes by,
A fighting urge to draw from the full bowl
Yet the hand simply does not touch
A banana slowly turning to mush
Matching the browning of its skin,
The process has already set in,
A matter of time before it is unfit.
Under its skin and fermenting within
Flesh turning to pulp quickly begins.
Greens slowly fade into dying browns,
Purple grapes no long plumply so round,
Withering away each passing day,
So tempted to eat before rotting away,
Distracted, selecting them delayed.
An orange now bitter yet once so sweet,
Laying at the side of the bowl for weeks,
Under sickly white spotted skin
The rot has now quickly kicked in,
Mold damaged and festering the peel
Left there, the vision oh surreal,
Later intentions of cleaning the bowl.
Hours run into days and days slide into weeks
The bowl of fruit rotten as no one would eat,
For many a time it got a tempting glance
Yet they were to busy to advance
Oh alas the bowl of fruit stood no chance
No longer able to stop the decaying advance
That eventually has it discarded from the table.
If I Die Tomorrow
If I die tomorrow
Lay me down in my grave,
Tell the world I went out
Living life my way
With promises of better days.
If I die tomorrow
I left behind many a mistake
But tell my children I love them
And through them I was saved,
From walking darker roads and an earlier grave.
If I die tomorrow
Know my life wasn’t a waste,
I never did much right
And I’d never change it in anyway,
‘Cause if I die tomorrow
I know I went out living life my way
And if I die tomorrow
There’ll still be better days,
The sun will still shine
And chase away the rain,
Dark clouds won’t remain.
Insaniam Psychosis
Laying down unable to move
plastered white glue,
lost within the deep
fog of eternal melancholy
eating at what I use to be,
did I save anything for my --
fragile crackling sanity.
Frog eating at me,
stings swell from bee's,
lost in the joy of insanity,
swirling circles of beauty
that I can no longer see,
confusing a constant certainty.
Wilting brown daisy's
with mold sprouting spores,
decorating a lonely grave
under pale moon lite stars,
my memory gone forever more.
Faded Stability
Dreams fade into midnight shadows,
weeping in pillows of sorrow,
limbo a symbolic fractured state.
Harmonic echo's insubstantial
fallen from my waken incapacity,
The inability of sleep alluding me.
Where am I within this vacuum
sailing my ship "Wretchedness",
charted course towards Unhappiness.
Afflicted in my own catastrophes,
wallowing while I pitifully grieve.
drowning in my own enraged seas.
Blood thirsty in my knowledge
of discovering a broken eternity,
fading from life into dreams.
Love's Never Meant to Be.
I'll push you into the arms of another man,
when I cannot have you yet he can,
I'll step away and learn my place,
resigned to finally accept my fate.
Friends always in the end,
never works out quite as planned,
yet I will set our paths
for I must bow out at lass.
Love, not meant to be mine,
love, bypassed to many times,
love, like drowning waters,
love, like a suffocating collar,
love, can't fall much further.
love, not sure we come out stronger.
For my passion and desire
is scorching me like fire,
knowing you are set upon your line,
I'll go back to serving my time.
It was just foolish dreams,
though the passion won't leave,
it was only a matter of time
before our lease ran out of line.
Uncultivated Plight
In the darkness
when it's to hard to see
I want someone to hold me,
I just want to breathe.
Death and decay,
flesh rotting skin,
bleached bones exposed
inundated in the unknown.
Restless within a void
the uncertainty comforting
in a way for the insane,
fragmented, unable to mend,
desolation slivered contempt.
The Discarded Hoodie
Upon the rack catching their eye,
their desire for it they could not hide,
a deep brilliant blue hoodie
it's all they wanted it to be.
Soft to the touch,
as made out of plush,
unique in its character
nothing out there to compare.
Love and affection over the years
proudly displayed on the back of a chair,
between friends it had been shared,
its well use showed that they cared.
Now threadbare and worn
the hoodie they once adorned,
catching a snag here and there
never giving much thought or care.
The time had come when they were done,
the use for the hoodie now outrun,
passed on down to another
making room, cleaning out the clutter.
Now upon a rickety old table for sale
the passage it has made tells a tale,
though bedraggled it still serves a purpose,
once again picked up for purchase.
Well frayed and showing its style
down many a road, traveled many a mile,
serving its function, making its best use,
passed on again, a few more threads now loose.
Another cycle of inheritance at hand,
a round of destinations it shall land,
before it can no longer withstand
its use no longer able to be spanned.
Tattered, shabby,
colors fading,
no longer keeps shape,
moth torn,
unable to be darned,
the hoodie no longer to be worn.
Praeordino
Roads I have walked
and games I have played,
at times effort had been made,
though the results stayed the same,
over before they even started
at times even broken hearted.
It's just not in my cards that way,
for writing is my route it seems,
expressing my emotions
or of others I have seen,
yet to be a lover
is left dead under the covers.
If I can reach out to others
showing they are not alone,
then it is a worthy mission
I'll abandon my own ambitions
before I run myself into the grave
reaching out to those who can be saved.
Desolate
Sitting here contemplating
while a joint slowly burns
its cherry searing skin
yet the pain is dull,
a light throb only,
a physical annoyance
compared to the complexities
we call our lives, our burdens.
I'm not really sure what to say,
nor do I really know what to think,
systematically packing another bowl
smoking away the remaining pain.
Tick, tick, tick however...
there is no clock setting the rhythm
yet verifies I've finally gone insane,
lost it, over the edge I've stepped,
what I have fallen into... Unknown,
a void unto a black hole, desolate.
Stop-motion Incomplete
snap shots into a life
fragmented increments
framed in black and whites,
stop-motion being replayed
darkness the setting stage.
Animated squalor behind doors,
revolving movie reel,
dingy yellow light
dully illuminating the room,
advancements in jerking sequences,
clay makes up my decaying carcass.
Directed in this unknown reality
by foreign hands that makes me dance,
molded is my vacant validity
fashioned scene by scene,
slowing mildew rankly seeps,
mustiness signifying the bleak.
Onto the shelf, unknown,
stop-motion not resumed,
vellicate a seal on the case,
this movie not to be released,
without value, to depreciate,
time lapsed into the abyss of eternity.
Wanderings Within
Trying to make amends
before I say my goodbye
and float this world away,
do not be somber
I did not chose to stay
trust me, tears do eventually fade
Spread Wings
Ride the wings of depression
soaring on unspoken questions,
circling without a destination,
never a solution to the equations
that keeps me above so high.
Rainbows of distorted colors
frames my oppressive disorders
finding the end of an illusion,
no misconceptions, no confusions,
my pot of gold rusted and molded.
My will abused and so bloated
like a twenty-two overloaded,
wings spread yet I am not floating
down from the skies I come crashing,
a new rebirth to be seen shall remain.
"Invincible,
fixable,
Master of own destiny",
he strongly disagrees,
cynical --
oppression --
isolation --
shattering --
crumbling walls within.
Raging gales of bitter winds
cutting deeply at my skin
deep searing scaring pains
as I float upon damaged wings,
soaring quickly towards my grave.
The Conflicted
This poor conflicted soul in me
I'd cry out to the Lord
but there's no belief inside of me,
who am I or where I'll go
I'm still unsure and do not know,
except that sorrow is sure to follow.
I'm two sides of a coin you flip,
a good nurtured charm
or a raging violent fit,
the vices that fuel me on
has me living deep down in hell
when I'd rather angels wings on,
so I'll write another depressing song.
Like the silence of a falling tree
alone deep within the woods
laying in foliage of toxic misery
alone was how I was meant to be
slowly wasting where non can see.
When it will end, none can tell,
until then I'll remain in the bowls of hell,
torment always the way to be
never to see myself set free,
playing the role of the devil
when I've desired that of an angel.
The Fate of the Game
I’m done trying to be happy,
It’s just not in the cards for me,
Playing the losing hand over again
Without any real chance.
I find myself boldly holding
When I surely should be folding
and walking away from the tables today,
Yet unable to resist that allure to stay.
Aces and eight happen to be my fate
As I keep drawing the Dead Man’s Hand,
Just like the flop my hearts about to drop
So why not push my chips all in?
Before I can ever see the river
It’s over with the pull of a trigger,
It has ended as quick as the turn
Hopefully no further games I shall yearn.
I shall exit the table while I’m still able
And Though I have no winnings in hand
And the game never plays out as planned
I shall always love the game that’s so grand.
The Never Ending Road
Is there an end for paying back
for our past misdeeds,
or are we stuck in a vicious
cycle destine to repeat
without any near reprieve?
I have owned my past
attempting to make amends,
though no matter my road
the same story still unfolds,
denied a life with happiness
watching such things often pass.
Like a worn winding road
often traveled with no end in sight,
a journey forever ahead,
the never ending road
leads to death.
A Crow Shrills
I am just me,
pain and misery follow --
all who knows me eventually,
it's always just a matter of time
before they're covered in my grime.
Blood sweating out of me,
my own crucifixion for
chasing false realities,
pretense in delusions
hallow is my confusion,
hiding in false illusions.
My battle ground is drawn
a war unable to be won,
laying where I have fallen
rotting in mud, bare wooden coffin,
nothing grows where I've befallen,
the shrill of a crow over the rotten.
My Own Way
Can't they let me go to hell they way I want to?
Without those reaching in with meddling hands,
being told there is so much to live for,
yet all I see is strife and misery
waiting upon the doorstep watching over me.
What I do and the life I live
is mine and mine alone to bare,
hold back your spiteful stare
for one has not walked my path,
never ending so I can check out a last.
Where I wander wearing this tortures soul,
I do not quite know though pain is in tow
upon this struggling weary journey
relishing the day I can be set free,
a man's fate is set unable to escape destiny.
Floating Mirages
Escape,
tasteless --
self-worth
deprecated --
disfavor --
despair.
Torn down --
this wall --
broken bricks --
can't remember --
sour grapes --
life's mistakes.
Diminished --
downplayed --
denigrate --
inept --
castigated --
regrets --
Laid out --
cut down --
no will --
wrote off --
sails out...
Paramnesia
Here I lay before you
here I am for all to see,
worthless in these misconceptions,
worthless within this lethality,
paramnesia, the accountability
is my own immortality, to exonerate
this burden others have suffered,
emotions that have been plundered
laying deep down within discomfort
of my own jaded familiarity.
Excruciating,
tormenting,
agonizing social disability,
struggling,
harrowing,
tears falling chillingly,
distressing,
frightening,
no one wishes to see.
Lost within this reality,
I'm confused what is fantasy,
this distortion of my memories
denies my abilities to cope
with the facts of certainty,
absoluteness is what's perceived
displayed out now before me,
the many deceptions of paramnesia
my constructed confabulations
built upon all my many fabrications.
Excruciating,
tormenting,
agonizing social disability,
struggling,
harrowing,
tears falling chillingly,
distressing,
frightening,
no one wishes to see.
Karma Critical
Crying deep inside,
shivering pain,
questioning my sanity,
tempting fate,
why does Karma deny
my choice to fly?
Kicked down repeatedly,
unknown escape,
past wholesale mistakes,
reality copulates,
why does Karma defy
my happiness over time?
Karma, critical is my SOS
wrapped under duress,
when will you show me mercy
one can only guess,
Karma, the situation is critical.
Cesspits, cemented providence,
soiled obedience,
panic desperately sets in,
inability to resist,
where do I begin,
where Karma cannot win??
Decades come to an end,
Karma deliberate
before it's too late,
show commencement
lets part acquiesces,
Karma you gotta give in.
Karma, critical is my SOS
wrapped under duress,
when will you show me mercy
one can only guess,
Karma, the situation is critical.
Sleepless
Laying awake unable to sleep
contemplating a worthless life
as the guitar of Buddy Guy weeps.
A joint flares up as drag is taken,
pondering the next words
that will bleed out of the pen
trying to express exasperated emotions.
Hidden, self withdrawn as planned,
wishing that no one will understand
the torment and pain wailing inside,
for others I masterfully abide and hide.
I have no shame in who I am
darkness, disturbed, only black to give,
though reclusive as I may be
it's to spare others pain and misery
that is associated in knowing me.