POETRY
“The joy of discovery is certainly the liveliest that the mind of man can ever feel”
- Claude Bernard -
Addiction / Abuse
The Boogieman
A pale moonlight creeps in,
framing the monster at the door
slithering in to cause her harm,
from which teddy cannot save her.
The cold touch of death upon her skin,
his foul volatile breathe revolting
assaulting her defenseless senses,
hovering over her trembling frame.
Retreating into her private world
as it heinously partakes,
brutal in his vile actions.
careless of the child he breaks.
Tears steaming down innocent cheeks,
as her soft pleas deafly escape,
a failed mother just as much to blame,
for allowing the Boogieman his reign.
The Tempest
Battered by the storm,
no habour for safety,
lashing waves hit searing
casualty of the tempests rage.
Flinching from muscle memory,
hiding scared in the corner,
suffering from the raging storm
leaving upon him black marks.
Obscured by dark black clouds,
the tempest violently raging,
seething wildly out of control
breaking the boat against the waves.
Dull and faded is his ship,
his colour quickly fading,
adrift within his own ocean
abandoned by his crew, his family.
Painful scars submerged within,
more agonizing than broken bones,
trying to weather the tempests wrath
praying to survive another day.
Shattered
Lonely in a broken world,
shattered within society,
solitude her only escape,
creating her own dreams
misapprehension of her fantasies.
Mighty is her courage,
mighty in her fear,
all around ignore her,
judgment bringing tears
more shattered than she appears.
Frail here before you,
exposed for all to peer,
her shinning inner beauty,
why will no one see
locked within herself a shattered key.
Screaming from the inside,
shattered silence all around her,
no one wants to hear,
depleted of the liveliness
dissolution slipping out of her.
The Room
Trapped inside this shallow box,
no sides to find escape,
clawing at the nothingness,
illicit thoughts shunning.
Locked in this fetal position
rocking in my relentless shame,
no false pretenses of myself
I own everything to blame.
Cornered in this circled room,
only myself alone to face,
confronted with the demons,
Contradicted with reality.
Throwing myself against the void,
battering my brain in vain
hopeless is my own gift,
trapped in chaotic travesties.
I don't feel so well,
desperation like oil
sludging up my veins,
protruding all my pain.
White walls all around me,
reflections of my eyes,
blackness inside of me,
talking about my lies.
Illusions are only reflections,
things I cannot see,
floating here before me,
losing touch with reality.
Trapped inside a hallow box,
mentality quickly expiring,
imprisoned fragmented thoughts
piercing my fragility
His Dark Abyss
Standing in this withered broken frame,
disregard for age and time,
delusions cloud the veil of reality,
fabric torn, bleeding life.
why -- must we walk this path
of -- fragmented steps,
in -- times misconceptions,
where -- my presence ends?
Twisted from inside out bleeding,
voice muted, unable to scream,
lost within the abyss where
conscience is no longer substance.
Why -- did you break me in this way,
of -- depriving me of rationality,
in -- a most dire time of need,
when -- everything in me is drained?
Mother gently cradle me,
hold me in your bitter arms,
nothing else can fracture this
emotionally crippled shell.
Why -- do all things fall,
of -- broken hearts and dreams,
In -- failure and self loathing,
who -- no longer feel a need to breathe?
The Sweet Needles Rush
Scorching the blood within my veins,
Lifting myself to nirvana's bliss,
washing away the agony of life's touch,
Floating upon soft clouds of grey.
Riding the tail of the dragon,
as the black tar leaks in,
no fears or self loathing
of ones dirtied self.
Drifting afloat a cesspool,
this thing I call my life,
for a moment all is forgotten
as I ride the needles high.
As the moon is eclipsed,
darkened is my forgotten soul,
muddied by confusion,
as the poison slowly wins.
Within a fog my body swims,
soiled by life's filth,
cloaked in confusion,
baked within a bitter chill.
Life draining from my body,
lifting me in crumbling hands,
all that I am or was trapped
in this abandoned prison.
The Fire Storm
Spirits fueling the raging fire,
its mania carries across the air,
no one wishes to hear, deaf to its sound.
The inferno's roar scared deep within,
degrading words burns her skin,
no self worth, doesn't know where to begin.
Defective her ability for self-regard,
shamed into a world of hurt,
ever consultations of humiliation.
Her father's lashing tongue,
she's praying for her kingdom come
then the fires frenzy will be done.
Ashes blowing in a chilled wind,
She doubts anyone will remember
that she was ever really there.
Bitter tears leak down her cheeks,
suffocated by the embers flare,
life slowly snuffed out of her.
Not Thought Of.
Bruised, battered, torn inside,
discarded a decaying husk,
parents don't acknowledge him
seems as if he was never born.
No child of theirs since creation,
a congenital disappointment
accepting lies fed over time,
in mutilating pain he hides.
In a full classroom he's a no one,
a name nobody ever even knew,
pointing fingers the only attention
mocking him in his silent role.
Paintings of distorted jade,
violent judgement sketched
inside his troubled brain,
forced into a world of illusions.
To slay the dragon's he must face,
the days off being scorned over now
his canvas is ready to decorate,
shades of reds in patterns splattered.
Scenes of horror displayed across floors
mother, father paid for their sins,
terror in a classroom there is no more,
as his dead body lays on the ground,
his torment finally at an end.
Violated
Short black mini skirt, they cannot resist
rude cat call begin, uncomfortable in her skin,
not a license for them to swoop in on her,
damaging trauma to endure the rest of her years.
Weeping away, she's weeping away
the shadows, the shadows hiding stains
of blood soaked clothing, ripped away,
rape is rape no matter what they say.
"She wanted it" is NO excuse
during vile actions they execute,
"look at how she's dressed"
while laughing unpleasantly in jest.
Wretched decorum planted in their head,
degenerates, repugnant to our senses,
repulsive behavior they displayed,
she lives with it inside her everyday.
Mothers -- sisters -- daughters,
stop placing the blame upon her,
"Boy's will be boy's" no longer an excuse,
a need for a new mentality to compute.
Forced
Walking insecure in her sexuality
she's terrified for all to see,
fearing they'll know her "shame"
though she is not the one to blame,
feeling soiled, her insides feel aflame.
Sick perverted delusional minds
repulsive behavior feeling inclined,
abominable conduct, it cannot endure
warped mentalities causing subsequent harm,
laying naked viciously forced to "conform".
Whimpering, faint sobbing pleas for rescue
as they tell her this is "corrective rape"
an assured "punishment" for being a lesbian,
seems like their brutal attack will never end
their vile ruthlessness must be condemned.
Sexuality, something that cannot be changed,
hard to understand for the particularly deranged
disregard for those who may not be the same,
they should hang their heads in utter shame
fear and ignorance the only thing to blame.
Damaged Psychology
Bleeding deep inside trying to flee,
why can't they just accept me for me?
judgement keeps me from being free,
slanderous words causing crushing misery
destroyed psychology -- not left to let be.
Disdain held within my father's eyes
his callous reaction -- no surprise,
"faggot" rang out throughout the room,
devastating strikes powerfully course
as I sailed across the hardwood floor.
"Fucking queer" stinging off volatile lips,
trying to hold back hurtful tears that drip
down stained cheeks -- such melancholy,
defending off endless verbal volleys,
fatiguing survival of a damaged psychology.
Assaulting discriminatory, black reception
slashing at my overwhelmed broken down senses,
if you cut me, trust me I will surely bleed,
I'm crying out yet no one will listen or heed
unwilling to provide me my most basic needs.
The mounted constrains I can no longer bare,
dreaming of a time I can no longer fear,
consequential insignificance -- damaged state
cannot hold on much longer dealing with this hate,
my options have run out -- too late....
Cycles
Not willing -- harm's done
cowering position -- no power
disillusions inside -- inner lies
his set ways -- won't change
a victim -- she is
trapped within -- no freedom
needs to -- break free.
Broke spirit -- no gain
false illusions -- feels pain
not understood -- no escape
prison walls -- lost identity
his will -- invalid authority
eyes closed -- can't see
his deceit -- his forgery.
Waking up -- Nightmarish reality
about to -- explode inside
doesn't want -- to remember
tries to -- move on
her escape -- so near
fights back -- her fears
wipes away -- her tears.
Standing in -- her way
He pleads -- please stay
mental health -- crumbling away
needs out -- she's afraid
repeated cycles -- must break
much more -- can't take
for now -- she stays...
Hollowed.
Flinching from the raising of a hand
Shuddering reactions she cannot stand,
an inability to try and trust
terrified to speak she's been hushed,
feels that no one will understand
the hell she lived was unplanned.
Blacken eyes -- her mask claimed,
purple blends -- causing her shame,
Bright lights -- her view from the floor,
brutally battered -- can't take any more.
Several years of abuse endured,
before she found the courage
to walk out the door,
emotional scars following her
some sanctuary not much more,
shattered deep within her core.
Living in -- complicated confusion
struggling with -- inner conflict,
trembles at -- the touch of another,
no relationships -- cannot be sustained
her spirit -- slowly being drained,
sees herself -- broken and stained.
Stronger than she will ever realize
even when she muffles her cries,
realizing she needed to break the link
discovering a different way to think,
though a fragile state she cannot break
trying to look forward to brighter days.
Shame On
"Privacy" behind your door?
I don't want to hear
your excuses any more,
shame on you, shame be upon you.
Shame on me, shame on you
put your hands on her again
and see what I'll fucking do,
shame on me for not addressing you.
When I heard you put her through a wall
shame on us for not heading the call,
you fucking coward how can you dare
to put your hands on her then claim you care?
Shame on me, shame on you,
not stopping you sooner
from battering her black and blue,
all I see is a wimp without a clue.
Shame on me, shame on you,
you belong behind steel bars
should have put you there sooner,
remember you're a fucking loser.
Shame on me, shame's on me
for not turning my back
on you sooner than this,
enjoy your punishment that fits.
Discarded
Forged in the refiners fire,
Its head made to withstand a blow
delivering in powerful fashion,
a tool firmly under their control.
A hammer taken out for their use,
to thrust at their whim -- no regard,
Shelved when no longer a use,
when its handle is splintered shards.
Sparks fly as the hammer strikes
damaging itself internally each bash,
boisterous sounds shocking their senses,
fragile inside -- all alone -- discarded.
Not replaced within the tool box
tossed to the side without care,
bare upon the cold damp streets
another soldiers life ended in tears.
Fractured
Service given in another's lands,
politicians greed giving their commands,
lives sacrificed for another gain
men and women emotionally slain.
Deep wounds that cannot be seen
lasting for what seems an eternity,
collecting dust upon an unstable self
left fractured by their government.
Fragmented reality -- feeling obsolete.
Feverish terrors -- at night cannot sleep.
vociferous pleas -- a life ill at ease.
palpable lies -- from the hands that fed.
Shaken by sudden clattered sounds
reactions are to hit the ground,
self loss of who they once were,
from seeing the terrors of war.
Back into this life feeling they do not fit
drifting alone undetected -- a social misfit,
failed by an uncaring government-- that's so unfit
discarded unable to make it until the end.
Powerless to find meaning in this life
giving all in a senseless sacrifice,
22 more veterans finishing their days
through death ending their pain the only way.
The Counselor
Wondering if he'll be
back for her to see,
sleepless nights
where can he be?
Flying high above
with guiding specters love,
Black Pearl sludge,
deep within its clutches.
Inside a circle of confidence
blacken eyes consciousness,
tracks leading to consequences,
holding on from vomiting.
Is it to late?
Brown Sugar tape
Joy Flakes --
riding in Rush Hour --
Holy Terror --
Tired from the day she had,
mental fatigue at last,
her speedball awaits,
hiding long sleeves relate,
is this her fate?
Flying high above
with guiding specters love,
Black Pearl sludge,
deep within its clutches.
The Punishment
Told my whole life --
That -- I'm no good,
punished for my sins,
living is what I committed,
born -- into this.
Thoughts whirling --
flashing -- where to begin,
fervent incursions -- onset,
What did I do -- to deserve it,
born -- now living to regret.
searing scars -- words burn,
deep down within -- now wilted,
self confidence -- withered,
where to begin -- defeated
slipped in life -- now ended.
Maternal
Show me the way mother,
inside of me is still
that little boy,
lost in this world,
drowning in his sea.
Lullabies ringing out
yet they are not for me,
someone else's mother singing,
building their happy memories,
why mother can't you hold me.
Oh mother where are you,
why can you not hear
my screams --
my pleas --
cradle me in safety,
cradle me to sleep.
In my darkest moment of need
mother why can't you see?
why can't you -- be --
the mother that I need,
I'm broken down and depleted.
Oh mother where are you,
why can you not hear
my screams --
my pleas --
cradle me in safety,
cradle me to sleep.